It's Not Easy

"We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey." -Kenji Miyazawa

Hello, friends!

I'm not going to apologize for being a delinquent blogger. OK, maybe I just did. Whatever! I'm back...thanks to those of you who kindly encouraged/reminded/kicked me back into it! I appreciate your blog support! :)

So this might not be the happiest of topics, but it's one that has been on my mind for the past few weeks. So here goes...

There has been a lot of death and sadness in my life lately...more specifically, in the lives of some of my good friends. Some friends have lost family members after long illness, some have experienced the sudden death of a loved one, and other friends have suffered the sadness that comes with the death of a pet.

In these situations, it seems natural to feel sad and try to empathize with your friends...even though it's impossible to really know what someone is feeling at the time. As bad as it sounds, I think it's also natural during these times to think of ourselves. You know what I mean...I'll admit it. I often put myself in the situation and think a few things:

"Oh my God. What if that was my father (sister, aunt, dog) who died? What would I do?"

OR...even more selfishly...

"Thank God that wasn't my father (sister, aunt, dog) who died!"

Right? It seems selfish, but we can't blame ourselves for being grateful, I guess.

But what happens when it is us? What happens when tragedy or tough times or (God forbid) death hits us close to home? I have been incredibly lucky in my life to have had very (very!) few deaths in my close family...but when it has happened, it has been devastating. In most situations, I have been "prepared" for the deaths (as in, our family knew it was inevitable and we had time to talk about it beforehand), but that really didn't help cope with actually losing the person. It's terrible. And nothing really helped me feel better in the moment...it took a lot of time, letting myself mourn, and just being sad. For a long time! It sucked.

Then I think about people who have to deal with more sudden, unexpected losses. I honestly cannot imagine how I would cope with that kind of situation. I consider myself a strong person when it comes to helping others, supporting friends, or counseling students. But if it happened to me? Ugh...I don't even know where I would start.

I feel like I am rambling...so I will try to get to my point. I'm writing this for a few reasons...first, I want to tell all of my friends who have recently dealt with a personal tragedy that I love you and I am thinking of you. I do not envy your position, but I want you to know how much I admire your ability to get up every day and do your best to make it through each day. Your strength is incredible!

Second, I'm hoping some of you will have the courage to share how you deal or have dealt with tragedy in your own lives. Maybe your story will help someone else get through a difficult time...today, or some day in the future. So that's the question for you...if you are willing to share, I would appreciate it very much.

Thank you!

Your Happy Place

"Think of a place that's really perfect. Your own happy place." -Chubbs Peterson in Happy Gilmore

Yesterday I was driving down the street and saw a car parked on the side of the road. I looked over and noticed that a man was outside of the car, standing on the edge of a small pond. Then I looked closer and saw something pretty cool...the man had an easel set up in front of him and he was painting the beautiful foliage scene that was in front of him! I thought that was the coolest thing I had seen in a long time. Think about it...how peaceful and enjoyable must it be for someone who likes to paint...to just go out on a beautiful fall day, set up shop in the middle of nature, and paint? What a great way to relax, appreciate the amazing colors, and do something you love to do. I wanted to pull over and just sit with him! And it made me wish I had any artistic skills whatsoever! :)

That got me thinking...I bet that man was really calm and relaxed in that moment. Who knows...maybe he was stressing over what colors to use or how his painting looked. But I like to think that he was having a great time and just relaxing in his own little world. In his happy place.

I was sort of joking when I used the Happy Gilmore quote at the start of this entry, but today I want to talk about happy places. I hope you have all seen the movie before...it is one of my favorites. In the movie, Chubbs tells Happy to find a "happy place" where he can go when he's feeling angry or ready to have a meltdown. You need to see the movie to really appreciate his "happy place." Even though the movie is funny and his happy place is a little...um...strange, it does sort of have relevance in the real world. So...let's talk about your happy place.

I don't know about you, but I definitely have my moments during the day when I am worked up, frustrated, stressed out, fed up, or ready to snap. I have found that I have a lot less of them lately, since my current job situation is pretty stress-free, but I still have times when stupid little things can really get under my skin. It's time like those when I really need to find my "happy place." Right now, I'd say the healthy things I like to do when I'm stressed out include:

-breathe
-listen to some fun music
-try to change my focus to something positive
-laugh
-breathe some more
-talk it out

The unhealthy things I like to do when I'm stressed out include:

-scream
-freak out
-scream some more
-overreact
-eat
-scream even more

I'm trying to make that unhealthy list just a little bit smaller, if you know what I mean!

About a year ago, I was introduced to a wonderful approach called Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. I was lucky enough to participate in a two-day workshop on Mindfulness, and then another six-week program that was offered through my job. There is way too much information to share about the theories and exercises behind mindfulness practice, but in a (very small) nutshell, it focuses a lot on being present in the moment, focusing on your breathing, and working on keeping your mind and body and mind uncluttered. It takes a lot of practice, but once you figure out how it works, it can be an incredibly powerful life skill. I got a great CD from these workshops that has guided meditations on it. It's so relaxing to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and listen to the meditations. Like I said before, it can be challenging to clear your mind and just focus on that moment, but it is such a liberating feeling when you are able to do it.

For me, working on mindfulness practice is probably one of the best and healthiest "happy places" I have found. It works well, it's something you can do any time and anywhere, and it can instantly bring your stress level down. The only problem? Like most other things, it takes PRACTICE. (Hence, the word "practice" in its title! Ha!) For some reason, finding ten minutes a day to listen to the CD can be challenging. I might do it for three or four nights in a row (and feel instant improvement), but then let it slide and slack off for weeks. So one of my goals for the year is to get better at setting aside some time to practice the practice :) It's not easy, but I'm working on it!

If you are interested in learning more, let me know! I'd love to talk with you about it. Also, if you want a great starting point, check out the book Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zin. Or check out this website.

QUESTIONS FOR YOU: Where is your happy place? Have you ever tried mindfulness practice (or a variation of it, such as yoga, meditation, etc?) Share some ideas, please!

Inspiration...and the G Word

“I was painted into a corner. I was completely lost -- I didn't know what I was going to do. I wanted to learn to cook. ... It wasn't until the project was nearly done that I really understood that what I was trying to do was figuring out a new way of living and finding new experiences in life.” -Julie Powell

Hi,

Sorry it has been a while since my last post. After I came home from Florida, my body completely crashed on me. I came down with a killer sinus infection which left me basically useless to the world for about a week! It's amazing what an illness can do to shut everything down. Thankfully, I'm feeling back to normal and trying to catch up on things. Last night my husband and I went out for a pre-anniversary date. We went to one of our favorite restaurants (Friendly's...I know, we are very fancy) and then went to see the movie Julie and Julia. I'm not sure if any of you have seen the movie yet, but if my opinion means anything...

SEE IT! IT WAS AMAZING! GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW BEFORE IT LEAVES THEATERS!

...what are you doing still reading? I thought I told you to go see it?!

OK, fine. You can finish reading the blog and then you can go see it. There were so many great things about the movie...it was a great story, it had wonderful performances, and it was very entertaining. It was also very inspiring to me and I felt eerily connected to the lead character, Julie Powell. I won't give too much away in case you still want to see it (and you do! I promise!), but basically, Julie is a woman about to turn 30 who is feeling kind of stuck in her job. Her true dream in life is to become a writer so she starts a blog...and amazing things happen in the process. Um...HELLO? I know this person! :) About 50 times during the movie, I either leaned over and said, "That's like me!" to my husband or grabbed his arm or tapped his leg. I'm sure he appreciated it...I couldn't help it. There was so much I could relate to. Anyway, I won't blab on about the movie too much, but I really loved it and it was a great way to remind me that anything is possible, and that struggling 30 year old wannabe writers can still live out their dreams! Yay for the Julies of the world! :)

OK, now on to the G word. Any guesses on what it might stand for? Here it is...it's something I am trying to work on, confront, and figure during this year of change...

GUILT

Aaaaah! Does this word like to take up residence in anyone else's brain on a regular basis? I have struggled with the whole guilt thing forever. I don't need to get into the deep, psychological roots of my crazy obsessive guilt issues, but the point is...I am someone who tends to overthink, overanalyze, and over-beat-myself-up about things. I tend to feel bad if I don't live up to every little expectation, and yes...I have a teeny tiny (enormous) problem with the whole perfectionism thing. My new pal Julie Powell went through some guilty phases in her life, too. I think we all do from time to time...but I think some of us tend to do it more than others.

So here is just one example of a stupid guilt thing...I have been stressing and beating myself up lately because I haven't posted on this blog in almost two weeks. Seriously. I feel bad (and guilty!) that I haven't posted more regularly. Forget that I was sick. Forget that I was catching up on life. Forget that some nights I just wanted to veg out or sleep instead of write. None of those excuses were good enough. I was actually mad at myself. Like I had let someone down. Don't ask me who...maybe it was the Blog Gods. I have no idea.

Then came the mean self-talk: "You told yourself you were going to stick with the blog! This was part of your plan for the year! People are going to think you already gave up on it!" Yes, I know this is probably very stupid. And I guess it's a good thing that I can (sort of) recognize that it is stupid. But the fact remains: I am not very good at letting things go! That is, when it comes to me.

I can be a very supportive, forgiving, and patient person...when it comes to my loved ones. I'll be the first to give encouragement if a friend is putting too much pressure on herself. I truly believe that people make mistakes and that it's not a big deal if you mess up here and there. But I still really struggle when I make a mistake or when I mess up here and there. I'm definitely getting better at "letting things go," but I definitely have a long way to go. (See? I can't even give myself credit without saying it's not good enough! Argh!)

Someone gave me great advice once, and it's something I use when I am counseling students: the advice was, "Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend." Would you call your friend stupid if she made a simple mistake? Would you harp on your friend for days over something she already felt bad about it? Of course not, right? So why do we tend to do it to ourselves?

QUESTIONS FOR YOU: Do you have problems with the G word? How do you deal with them? If you feel like you treat yourself like your best friend, can you please give me some advice on how I can get better at it? Thanks!

Tales From the Bench

"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." -Victor Frankl

Hi everyone,

I'm back! Florida was amazing. I had such a good time and made a ton of great memories with my teammates. This was our first year together as a team, so we came into the tournament with varied expectations and experience at such a high level (this was the slow pitch World Series). Well, I won't leave you in suspense any longer...out of 92 teams in the tournament, we finished THIRD in the whole country! How incredible is that? We came in knowing we were good, but nothing could have prepared us for the amazing run we had together.

As you probably remember, I was having hamstring problems coming into the tournament. I had been resting and rehabbing it for about a month and keeping my fingers crossed that I would be healthy for the World Series. My doctor gave me the OK to play, saying I should be fine as long as I stretched out ahead of time.

We arrived on the field the first day and it was INCREDIBLE. There is no way to explain how thrilling it was to drive into the Disney Wide World of Sports complex and realize, "Oh my God. I am going to play here!" Those of you who know me well know that softball and Mickey Mouse are two of my favorite things EVER, so this was like a dream come true for me.

I stretched out well before the game, I iced and heated and did everything I was supposed to...then I took a deep breath and started to run. It felt FINE! YAY! I was so excited. I ran faster and harder, turned corners, ran backwards, and it still felt fine. I was feeling optimistic heading into the game, even though in the back of my mind I feared having another hamstring snap once the game started.

The game started, I got up to bat for the first time, and felt great. The fields were immaculate, the sun was shining...it was so awesome. I swung at the first pitch, hit the ball, and started my sprint toward first base. About three steps into it, I felt that dreaded snap again. It was my hamstring. NOOOOOOOOOOO!

I hobbled over to first base and started stretching the leg. My teammate asked me if I was OK and I said, "I'm fine," even though I wasn't fine. I wanted to be fine and I was hoping the injury wasn't as bad as it had been last month. I stayed on first base and tried to stay in the game. Once the next person hit, I tried running to second and my leg was KILLING me. If you have never torn your hamstring before, it's hard to explain how painful it is. Basically, no matter how hard you try to block out the pain, it it excruciating. You literally can't run, even if you try. My other teammate called time out and took me out of the game. It was one of the worst feelings I had in a long time. I immediately started crying; not because of the pain in my leg but because I was heartbroken. I knew that I wouldn't be able to play in the rest of the World Series.

I don't really know how to explain the feeling of being taken out of the game. You might think I am being a bit dramatic by saying I was heartbroken, but I really was. I was also angry, I'm not going to lie. Imagine something you love to do more than anything else, and then imagine someone telling you that you can't do it. That's how I felt! Like I said before, playing in the World Series (in Disney World!!) was such a huge thrill for me, so to have that taken away in a split second was like being kicked in the stomach. I was so sad. And I don't know how to say this without sounding like a jerk...but I don't know what it feels like not to play. I have been lucky enough in my athletic career to always play. I have never sat on the bench unless I was hurt. And as much as I respect all of my teammates, regardless of who plays or who doesn't...I don't feel comfortable on the bench. All I know is being on the field. So this was terrible for me.

I lost it for a few minutes, but I soon realized that crying wasn't going to help my team. It would only be a distraction, and no one needed that. So, I tried to catch my breath and focus on what I could still do: cheer on my teammates and be a positive presence in the dugout. It was definitely hard to do, especially during that first game, but I tried my best and was able to stay as positive as I could. My teammates knew how hard it was for me, and they were all so supportive and tried their best to keep me up. I will never forget that!

For the rest of the tournament, I played the role of super-hyper-crazy-cheering-wild-coach-teammate. I put my sadness aside and decided to be the very best teammate I could be. I never stopped cheering, I used every crazy motivational trick I could find to help keep my teammates going and fired up. I never sat down, I never shut up, and I loved every minute of it! I was able to pinch hit in a few key game situations, and I think that helped me feel like I was contributing a little bit, but for the most part, I was on the sidelines being Cheer Girl.

If I could go back in time, I would obviously not have chosen to be hurt. I would have stayed healthy and played in every game. However, given the situation I was dealt, I feel very thankful for the experience. I experienced the whole tournament from a very different perspective than I ever had. When you are on the field in the middle of the action, you don't really get to appreciate the little details of every play...or the efforts of each athlete...or the emotion involved with the ups and downs of the game. Usually, you are so focused that you zone out some of the little things. Because I was on the sidelines, I got to see every move, every play, every at bat from my teammates. I got to watch them run on and off the field every inning, high five each other, and prepare for every game together. It was not only enjoyable and exciting to watch them, but I also learned so much about the game by having the chance to watch them so closely. I always knew I had talented teammates, but I had no idea just how remarkable they were before this weekend. Most of my teammates were tired or sick or run down or injured in some way, but they all played as if they were in perfect health. Running for extra bases, diving for balls, sliding into other players, and sacrificing their bodies just to win the game. They played hard, but they always played fair. They were all good sports and stayed positive, even when the game or the calls were not in our favor. They never gave up and always believed that we could pull together and win. It was awesome! I feel like I became a better softball player during the tournament, even though I hardly stepped on the field. And I know that being positive on the sidelines made a big difference to my teammates. They thanked me after every game and mentioned that I was a factor in helping them stay positive and focused. I wasn't looking for any thanks, but I have to tell you...it felt good to be recognized!

This opportunity not only helped me as a player, but also as a coach. I coach a high school softball team, and I expect a lot out of my players. I tell the girls that everyone on the team is valuable and that everyone contributes, no matter how much they play. And to be honest, I get frustrated when the girls on the bench don't seem to be cheering or involved as much as I think they should. However, after my experience in Disney, I have such a better appreciation for the girls who have to sit on the bench all the time. I never really understood how difficult it is to have to stay up all the time when you don't get to be involved in the action on the field. As silly as it may sound, I never realized how hard it was to yell for two hours straight! Yikes! :) I think when I go back to my coaching job in the spring, I will have a much better perspective on all of the athletes on the team, not just the ones scoring the runs or striking people out.

I am so proud of my teammates for what they accomplished on the field in the World Series, and I am happy that I got to be a part of it. It was an unforgettable experience.

QUESTIONS FOR YOU: Have you ever had an experience not go exactly the way you wanted, but you figured out a way to make the best of it? How did you do it? Tell us about it!

Flying South

Hi everyone,

I'll be taking a small hiatus from blogging...tomorrow, I'm heading down to Florida with my softball team to play ball in Disney World! Yay!

Please send us happy thoughts for a safe trip, good weather, healthy hamstrings, and hopefully lots of wins! I can't wait to tell you all about it when I get back next week! :)

Clip, Clip

"To read without reflecting is like eating without digesting." -Edmund Burke

I subscribe to a few different magazines and like to read them when I find a spare minute. A couple of them are about women's fitness/health, and the other one is my absolute favorite, Oprah Magazine. Don't laugh! It's awesome! I love it because it is filled with great articles, motivating stories, and lots of practical and fun information that usually seems to relate to my own life. I don't ever watch Oprah's TV show because of my schedule, but I'm telling you...her magazine ROCKS!

Whenever I read a magazine, I usually find some good tips or ideas. Sometimes I jot down a book title or website I read about, and sometimes I will rip out a picture or ad for something that piques my interest. Then, knowing me, I usually lose the note or toss out the piece of ripped paper. Oops!

I recently came up with a brilliant idea. OK, I think it's kind of brilliant. I am going to start keeping a little binder of inspiring things I find in my magazines. Good quotes, exercise tips, delicious recipes, fun articles, etc...I'm going to cut them out and keep them in a little notebook. Then, I can look back on them later if I ever need some motivation, new ideas, or just something good to read. I figure it's also a good way to get the most out of my subscriptions.

OK, so maybe this isn't the most exciting idea of the century, but I thought it was a neat little way to keep some inspiring words of wisdom nearby. I also thought I might share some of the better clips with you on the blog. Sound good? Yay!

QUESTIONS FOR YOU: Do you have a regular resource (magazine, website, TV show, etc) that provides you with good ideas, inspiration, etc? What is it? Do you keep anything like a journal, notebook, or scrapbook? Tell us about it!

It's a Stretch

"Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes." -Robert Maynard Hutchins

Hi everyone,

First, a little housekeeping: I know some of you have told me you are having trouble posting comments. I don't know what to tell you except THANKS FOR TRYING and KEEP TRYING! :) If anyone has any magic tips, please share. I am loving the comments that are coming in so far and would love even more!

OK, now I need your help. This is kind of a random question but I need some help. I have had problems with muscle pulls my whole life...whether I have been in the best shape of my life (working out every day, stretching beforehand, working with trainers, etc), and when I am not in such good shape (ahem, that would be lately!). I usually pull my hamstrings and/or groin area. Ha, ha. I said groin.

Sorry. Back to my problem. So I have had several different coaches and trainers and doctors and teammates over the years showing me different ways to stretch and stay loose, as well as how to treat sore muscles. Some things have worked more than others, and some things have been stranger than others (some of you might have read my other blog post about the horse liniment!). Unfortunately, no matter what I try, I have still had some serious muscle pulls/tears that have set me back a while.

My most recent one happened a couple of weeks ago in a softball tournament. I was running the bases and suddenly I felt a huge snap in my right hamstring. It was one of the worst ones I have ever experienced. I ended up on the ground rolling around like a big baby...but it really hurt!

I have been seeing the doctor a couple of times a week to get treated, so I am making some good progress toward healing. I am crossing my fingers I will be ready to play in my tournament in Florida next week. So, here is my question...maybe it's just a bunch of weird questions. I will throw them all out there and feel free to answer any that make sense to you:

-How do you stretch out before exercise/activity/sports?
-Do you have any good stretches for your lower body?
-Do you do more dynamic or more static stretching?
-Do you know any good magical tricks for treating a sore hammy?

I would love any feedback you have! Thanks, blog pals! :)