Your Happy Place

"Think of a place that's really perfect. Your own happy place." -Chubbs Peterson in Happy Gilmore

Yesterday I was driving down the street and saw a car parked on the side of the road. I looked over and noticed that a man was outside of the car, standing on the edge of a small pond. Then I looked closer and saw something pretty cool...the man had an easel set up in front of him and he was painting the beautiful foliage scene that was in front of him! I thought that was the coolest thing I had seen in a long time. Think about it...how peaceful and enjoyable must it be for someone who likes to paint...to just go out on a beautiful fall day, set up shop in the middle of nature, and paint? What a great way to relax, appreciate the amazing colors, and do something you love to do. I wanted to pull over and just sit with him! And it made me wish I had any artistic skills whatsoever! :)

That got me thinking...I bet that man was really calm and relaxed in that moment. Who knows...maybe he was stressing over what colors to use or how his painting looked. But I like to think that he was having a great time and just relaxing in his own little world. In his happy place.

I was sort of joking when I used the Happy Gilmore quote at the start of this entry, but today I want to talk about happy places. I hope you have all seen the movie before...it is one of my favorites. In the movie, Chubbs tells Happy to find a "happy place" where he can go when he's feeling angry or ready to have a meltdown. You need to see the movie to really appreciate his "happy place." Even though the movie is funny and his happy place is a little...um...strange, it does sort of have relevance in the real world. So...let's talk about your happy place.

I don't know about you, but I definitely have my moments during the day when I am worked up, frustrated, stressed out, fed up, or ready to snap. I have found that I have a lot less of them lately, since my current job situation is pretty stress-free, but I still have times when stupid little things can really get under my skin. It's time like those when I really need to find my "happy place." Right now, I'd say the healthy things I like to do when I'm stressed out include:

-breathe
-listen to some fun music
-try to change my focus to something positive
-laugh
-breathe some more
-talk it out

The unhealthy things I like to do when I'm stressed out include:

-scream
-freak out
-scream some more
-overreact
-eat
-scream even more

I'm trying to make that unhealthy list just a little bit smaller, if you know what I mean!

About a year ago, I was introduced to a wonderful approach called Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction. I was lucky enough to participate in a two-day workshop on Mindfulness, and then another six-week program that was offered through my job. There is way too much information to share about the theories and exercises behind mindfulness practice, but in a (very small) nutshell, it focuses a lot on being present in the moment, focusing on your breathing, and working on keeping your mind and body and mind uncluttered. It takes a lot of practice, but once you figure out how it works, it can be an incredibly powerful life skill. I got a great CD from these workshops that has guided meditations on it. It's so relaxing to sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and listen to the meditations. Like I said before, it can be challenging to clear your mind and just focus on that moment, but it is such a liberating feeling when you are able to do it.

For me, working on mindfulness practice is probably one of the best and healthiest "happy places" I have found. It works well, it's something you can do any time and anywhere, and it can instantly bring your stress level down. The only problem? Like most other things, it takes PRACTICE. (Hence, the word "practice" in its title! Ha!) For some reason, finding ten minutes a day to listen to the CD can be challenging. I might do it for three or four nights in a row (and feel instant improvement), but then let it slide and slack off for weeks. So one of my goals for the year is to get better at setting aside some time to practice the practice :) It's not easy, but I'm working on it!

If you are interested in learning more, let me know! I'd love to talk with you about it. Also, if you want a great starting point, check out the book Wherever You Go, There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zin. Or check out this website.

QUESTIONS FOR YOU: Where is your happy place? Have you ever tried mindfulness practice (or a variation of it, such as yoga, meditation, etc?) Share some ideas, please!

Inspiration...and the G Word

“I was painted into a corner. I was completely lost -- I didn't know what I was going to do. I wanted to learn to cook. ... It wasn't until the project was nearly done that I really understood that what I was trying to do was figuring out a new way of living and finding new experiences in life.” -Julie Powell

Hi,

Sorry it has been a while since my last post. After I came home from Florida, my body completely crashed on me. I came down with a killer sinus infection which left me basically useless to the world for about a week! It's amazing what an illness can do to shut everything down. Thankfully, I'm feeling back to normal and trying to catch up on things. Last night my husband and I went out for a pre-anniversary date. We went to one of our favorite restaurants (Friendly's...I know, we are very fancy) and then went to see the movie Julie and Julia. I'm not sure if any of you have seen the movie yet, but if my opinion means anything...

SEE IT! IT WAS AMAZING! GO SEE IT RIGHT NOW BEFORE IT LEAVES THEATERS!

...what are you doing still reading? I thought I told you to go see it?!

OK, fine. You can finish reading the blog and then you can go see it. There were so many great things about the movie...it was a great story, it had wonderful performances, and it was very entertaining. It was also very inspiring to me and I felt eerily connected to the lead character, Julie Powell. I won't give too much away in case you still want to see it (and you do! I promise!), but basically, Julie is a woman about to turn 30 who is feeling kind of stuck in her job. Her true dream in life is to become a writer so she starts a blog...and amazing things happen in the process. Um...HELLO? I know this person! :) About 50 times during the movie, I either leaned over and said, "That's like me!" to my husband or grabbed his arm or tapped his leg. I'm sure he appreciated it...I couldn't help it. There was so much I could relate to. Anyway, I won't blab on about the movie too much, but I really loved it and it was a great way to remind me that anything is possible, and that struggling 30 year old wannabe writers can still live out their dreams! Yay for the Julies of the world! :)

OK, now on to the G word. Any guesses on what it might stand for? Here it is...it's something I am trying to work on, confront, and figure during this year of change...

GUILT

Aaaaah! Does this word like to take up residence in anyone else's brain on a regular basis? I have struggled with the whole guilt thing forever. I don't need to get into the deep, psychological roots of my crazy obsessive guilt issues, but the point is...I am someone who tends to overthink, overanalyze, and over-beat-myself-up about things. I tend to feel bad if I don't live up to every little expectation, and yes...I have a teeny tiny (enormous) problem with the whole perfectionism thing. My new pal Julie Powell went through some guilty phases in her life, too. I think we all do from time to time...but I think some of us tend to do it more than others.

So here is just one example of a stupid guilt thing...I have been stressing and beating myself up lately because I haven't posted on this blog in almost two weeks. Seriously. I feel bad (and guilty!) that I haven't posted more regularly. Forget that I was sick. Forget that I was catching up on life. Forget that some nights I just wanted to veg out or sleep instead of write. None of those excuses were good enough. I was actually mad at myself. Like I had let someone down. Don't ask me who...maybe it was the Blog Gods. I have no idea.

Then came the mean self-talk: "You told yourself you were going to stick with the blog! This was part of your plan for the year! People are going to think you already gave up on it!" Yes, I know this is probably very stupid. And I guess it's a good thing that I can (sort of) recognize that it is stupid. But the fact remains: I am not very good at letting things go! That is, when it comes to me.

I can be a very supportive, forgiving, and patient person...when it comes to my loved ones. I'll be the first to give encouragement if a friend is putting too much pressure on herself. I truly believe that people make mistakes and that it's not a big deal if you mess up here and there. But I still really struggle when I make a mistake or when I mess up here and there. I'm definitely getting better at "letting things go," but I definitely have a long way to go. (See? I can't even give myself credit without saying it's not good enough! Argh!)

Someone gave me great advice once, and it's something I use when I am counseling students: the advice was, "Treat yourself like you would treat your best friend." Would you call your friend stupid if she made a simple mistake? Would you harp on your friend for days over something she already felt bad about it? Of course not, right? So why do we tend to do it to ourselves?

QUESTIONS FOR YOU: Do you have problems with the G word? How do you deal with them? If you feel like you treat yourself like your best friend, can you please give me some advice on how I can get better at it? Thanks!